“Has my faith become too complicated sometimes?” – Tze Xiang

Of all that was said today, this message really hit home the most.

Looking back over the tumultuous week, I find that the maxim ‘If you look inwards, you’ll only despair’ to be quite true. Asking the wrong questions, I began to find myself  despairing over my situation. Holiness seemed an ideal so impossible, so beyond my grasp, my soul began to be crushed under the weight of my doubts and consternation. Even via reviewing and reflecting the entirety of my life experiences, trying to find a sure path to holiness in light of biblical doctrine, I find myself with no sure solutions. No executable plan with which I can finally claim holiness. Come the morning, I was left feeling defeated, robbed of every joy.

And in desperation, I chose to engage in my first truly voluntary period of fasting. The answers weren’t quite what I expected.

Praying at the back of MSC, I resigned myself to admit that I’m at my wits end, asking the Lord to simply lead me. Then in what seemed like a divine moment, came the MSC grounds-keeper, the bespectacled individual I never quite took notice of, and he talked to me. Apparently in seeing my loneliness, he decided to come befriend me. In that moment, I felt loved in a way I’ve never experienced before. Here was an uncomplicated man, who did not know me, had no obligation towards me, and yet he was the first human to have ever responded to my loneliness. And after a short chat about light topics, I bid him adieu and rejoined the brothers and sisters. Here was a man, who without profound words, left a profound impression in me, through his act of simple love.

I realized, in all my years as a Christian, I have never demonstrated just simple love. Mine was a love that always needed a plan of action, an agenda to be met, a biblical foundation. A faith requiring a great task to be executed, a backup plan, a qualification. And yet many a times, these complexities brought me more consternation than joy, more burden than freedom.

Matthew 17:20

His simple faith, moved a mountain in my heart.

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