Reflecting upon Timothy’s teaching during camp, the point of purpose really struck me. For someone who has been lost and aimless for so long, I really wondered if my service had any purpose, if the effort from my heart could really bear fruit from a shrivelled branch as I. And perhaps, this shrivelling and misdirection was due to a certain disconnection from the vine, trying to draw upon strength through my own roots (Of which I have none).

 Thus no more!

 There is one purpose and one focus only! To fix my eyes upon the source, everything else will grow and flourish naturally so as long as I am connected to the source.

Which leads me to discuss an affirmation I received from a treasured brother, how am I able to commune with most of the brothers across the ministry even though I have no particular reason to do so since I’m a no-L. A query I myself had not considered for a long time. So first I’ll eleminate the wrong answers.

1. No I’m definitely not popular, I was ostracized by my peers as a kid.

2. No I’m not special or interesting in comparison with many more talented brothers.

3. No I’m not very spiritual nor exceptional in the things I do, however hard I try I’m rather mediocre.

I guess my only answer is that I give a damn about what goes on in my brother’s lives, because they are my family. I don’t care how impossible it may seem, but I believe when the bible says we are a family of God, it means EVERYONE is my brother and sister. I don’t care if sometimes my brothers don’t want me as part of their lives, I still want to give part of mine. My heart may be small, but I’ll damn well give every brother a piece of my heart till its shredded to pieces and there’s nothing left to give. And if I wasn’t afraid of certain consequences, I’ll damn well give pieces to my sisters too. Cos that’s what family is, individual people living a single life together.

 And because of this I go around asking everyone about their lives, hurts, and fears. And just as the branch only transfers what the vine gives, I only ever cared about their lives, cos God first cares for mine.

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